The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
