is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
