took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
