some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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