question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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