there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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