Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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