i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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