i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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