Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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