I looked at my own cervix.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
