I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think i have two assholes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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