he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
