i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
