So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
