Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
