stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
