You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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