I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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