I showed him my bush... on skype.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
