But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
