I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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