My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
