Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
