my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
