I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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