is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
