Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
