God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
false alarm. still invincible.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
