I cockslap morals
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
