So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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