Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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