I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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