4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
