If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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