just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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