I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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