Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
