I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
