Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
