if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Randomize
