Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
