If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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