Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
