I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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