So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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