We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
