it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
