Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
