He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
