I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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